King of all idots

As many of you know I am a pretty cool guy. You know too cool for school kind of guy. When I walk down the street you do not talk to me until I talk to you cool. I was that guy who was so good looking in high school that girls were afraid to talk to me and guys were jerks because of my awesome attitude and my stunningly good looks. In college people wanted to join my fraternity. To bad no one was cool enough to join. It ended up just having one member and that was me. That is the name of my game. I expect you to make head way when I come to a race and let me up front when we stage. You may have seen me with all my cat 4 groupies, actually they want to be my groupies but I have yet to accept them. I am a 6'2" Ken Doll so you have to like me, what is there not to like.



Then I come across So Faux Pro's site. What the heck two hits one months time. This can not be so. How dare he critique my racing abilities. I am too perfect for this world as you can tell. That is why everyone comes to read my blog of self loving and how every one else in this world is wrong. It is either that or to see a girl with big ass boobs. I do not think it is for the latter. I am not like a whore out for a cheap thrill, no way jose.

But to be called Costanza the king of all idots. You sir brother have gone too far. I am no doofus. I will tell ya I am popeye mad. I needs me some spinach so I can upgrade and be that cat 3 guy who finishes off the back I tells ya.

Anyway you should read his blog for a good laugh at my expense. I found it humorous. I do not know why I like to read about somebody berating me but I do.

Now on to something very serious. My teammate gave me his bicycling magazine to read about dieting. I read the article about it and I was thinking I already know this from reading mens health 3 years ago. But I was not disturbed reading bicycling because they are totally redoing the mag. I was disturbed they put my bike(salsa Campeon) in the mag. That is right they did a write up on it. They actually gave it the same review they do with all bikes. Of course it got a good review. The bike frame is the best bike I have ever owned and am very pleased with it.

They did my bike and that is ok. And now I turn the pages and come across their helmet pick. And they pick the new Lazer helmet as the best helmet. Wtf is bicycling doing to me. Now it is going to look like I do everything bicycling magazine tells me to buy. Just so you guys know I owned the helmet and the bike before this magazine said anything. That is the last thing I want to be known as is the guy who buys the "hot" gear bicycling magazine puts out. I would rather own things that ROAD puts out but I buy on a beer budget and wish I had the champagne budget. Cheap beer is getting old, I want some champagne.

Racing This weekend

If you ever see this clown let him go off the front. He will not survive. You can tell he is not the smartest one of the bunch. He thinks he can break away on the first lap of greenbelt only to be caught a lap and a half later not doing anything to the field. I do not think he will ever learn. Plus he thinks he looks sexy in XS Jerseys. Also if you see him at races just do not think of him as a threat because he is easily defeated. He will look like this when he pops. He had the same look at greenbelt going into the finish because he has no finishing speed, nor confidence. He calls himself a sprinter but has not proven that. He only calls himself that because he can not timetrial or climb. So he can not call himself an all-arounder.

Man I am looking forward to this weekend. I was supposed to do intervals last night but opted to do greenbelt because it is harder. Or at least at times it is harder. I pretty much attacked right when the whistle was blown. I do not know but I just wanted to ride hard and see what I could do. The pack was pretty disinterested in chasing me down so I just rode as hard as I could on the down hill. That is the spot that if you get away on you can really put the hurt on. Well at least yourself. I had a good gap on the down hill but on the climb they slowly brought me back. In actuality I found out that the girls chased me down and the guys sat and watched. They finally caught me on the second lap at the start of the climb so I stayed away for a lap and a half.

That burnt more matches then I could not have imagined. I slowly slipped towards the back and did that aw-shit this is the back move when I realized nobody else was going to come by. I saw Wendy falling back also which was weird because a few weeks earlier she was on the front. I thought well it just is not our week. Turns out she was the one who chased me down. That hurt more than anything was to hammer when I wanted to recover. So my coach wants me to lt then above lt intervals and I think that did it. For the rest of the ride, because nobody was racing that day, I tried moving up to start my shenanigans. But I could not do it. Freaking a it was like a road race. Nobody moved it was wall to wall on both sides of the road. The only practice I got was to slowly inch my way up and try to stay calm moving up the pack anyway I could. Then in the race about 5 of us started booking it up near the yellow line and everyone squeezed us over. I got pissed and yelled you got the rest of the road stop moving over. What are they thinking?

Any way right after the a group passed Lance attacked with an all American guy. I was up front with Matt who is also with Abrt. I have this deal thing going with abrt to practice riding as a team with them at this race so I will not chase and will block. It is fun to actually race as a team. Lance stayed away for the win. I on the other hand just got my ass handed to me in the final sprint. I was basically on the front of the pack going up the hill and next thing I know everyone goes around me. And I am talking everyone. I thought I was going a fast enough speed where nobody would go around. So I am a proven lead out man. I watch Jose and Brigham go by me like I am standing still. I blocked in Jorge from artemis so you guys could still place. Actually I felt bad for Jorge because he was on my wheel and I crapped out like an old Jalopy going across the California desert during the dust bowl. Almost to the promise land only to be told to turn around because there was to many of us posers. Oh well I rode hard(at times) and is helping with my pack riding skills.

This weekend is Bike Jam and RFK. Bike Jam proved to be good for me last year. The uphill sprint of this greenbelt has me thinking I hope it is different for me at bike jam. Last year it was like a cat on drapes to the finish. I slowly lost a few places to stay in the top ten up that hill. A couple guys got around me up that little riser. I was sixth into the turn and 9^th at the top of the hill. Got to watch route one because if they get three guys on the front during the last lap that is the move.

Rfk last year was an easy but a race I popped on because the previous day I did Stoney Creek. I did a 40k in 59:00 the previous day and coming off a summer cold. I worked my ass off to get into the top ten just to blow up before the finishing corner. I had nothing and did not want to cause carnage so I pulled over to the side so I did not cause an accident. I just know when not to do it. So many guys will still contest the sprint when they are way past empty. But this year should be a faster and more consistent race because the 3’s are doing it. I am looking forward to that.

I am hoping that I am getting into form because I really need this ego boost. I have ridden really consistent all year long. It is not just that I have been riding it has been all the sacrifices that go along with it. So I am hoping it was not a fluke I did well on Sunday and thought I could have done better. If not I am getting really good at watching World Series of Poker and know when to fold them.

Reason For Hump

Well it is everybodys favorite time of the week. And you know why this week is a great week. It leads into a three day weekend. And that three day weekend has 2 days of racing. That means I can race 2 days and spend one day with my wife. That gets me out of the clear of the hearing "another weekend of racing and no time with me." So one day gets me by and work does not start a day longer closer to another race weekend. Yes life is looking good.

I know my readership is great on wednesdays. It is not to read my run on sentences of course. Or how I can possibly clutter up sentences and have way to long paragraphs with different subjects in them. Oh man I read my last WTFM and was like WTF am I saying. It sounds good when I am typing at my desk during my lunch break. Hell I write it up fast and that is all that matters right. If I got paid and showed some pride in my writing I might proof read this stuff. So here it is boy's some hard core nudity, bow shick a bow wow.

The reason why I do hump day is because ever since I was a little boy I have noticed the female figure. Many of us guys have gone through this awkward stage of obviously liking the female form. I for one can be spotted with this look of concentration in admiration of the female body. Just look at this guy showing a way to look cool and subtly looking at this girl. I had this same look when I was walking around 'toona when the womens field got done racing in the rain and were changing in the parking lot. I do not think anyone noticed.




I have also been pretty masterful at looking at women more subtly then that. This guy is doing it pretty good. But like many of us guys we all have made the mistake of checking out a 16 year old. You know you are walking by and thinking to yourself, man who is this young philly here I would like to saddle up next to. And then you look closer, make a fist and punch yourself in the balls because you just realized she is a minor. It is ok, it is only natural to look. And no it is not cool to be a Jr. in college and date a sophmore in high school, that is being a loser.


One day I figured I needed a little pick me up in my blog. What makes me happiest. Oh yeah it is my love for the female figure. And what is one of the best things about women. Yes if you answered that they have boobs, you sir would be correct. I mean who does not like boobs. If a gay man was asked to touch a womans boobs he would not resist the temptation to do so. Common even the beholders of these things have self admirations of their gifts from god. And you know she is saying these things look good. And yes ma'am they do.


And if the girl does not have boobs she must have a nice ass and legs. Take this beauty. She has everything. But if you have 2 of the three criteria you are a hottie in this guys book. And I do not have low standards of butter faces. I want to check out a body and see a face you can actually stare at. I listen to Howard stern and he says "this girl is hot." I am a fool and rush to his site and am quickly disappointed at the horse faced women they have in there. If you made it to willmington you probably saw those lovely beauties in the harley davidson tent. If you thought they were good looking you need glasses.



And you know what is the best weather to see women? Give up? It is when it is a little nipply out. Oh yeah I said it. And I have to say weather was apparent in the pic above.

So. Md Crit Cat 4 pics

Here is the video and pics of the race. This kid on dc velo has a huge lead on us. Made us look bad.



Here are all the photos my wife took. The field was about half full in the pic so if you think that is all who showed up, it was actually more. My wife loves how Ken Young snuck infront of her camera shot and then realized he did it and smiled at her when he backed up. Haha. But if you look carefully you can see a couple guys go far right. They were in the grass.

If you guys want better pics my wife and I are accepting donations of getting a better camera.



Kevin Dillard also took some high class shots like always. www.demoncats.com

Happy Anniversary

Well today is my 3^rd anniversary. I know you are thinking that somebody can not be possibly married to this guy. Yeah I know it is hard to believe. There must be something I am doing right. The weird thing is that I am one of 3 in a department 18 at work who is married. So to be in my mid twenties and to be married is kind of odd. Oh well, I love it. Sure my wife and I have disagreements about things but I would not trade it for the world.

I have to say my wife is beautiful and a wonderful person who takes care of me in many ways. I go to a race and feel lost without her presence. I can not pin the freaking number on to save my life. I depend on her to take my wheels to the pit. And just knowing she is there puts me at ease. I can rely on her to make me dinner when I am riding on the road or putting in a long day at work. She is also very understanding that I forgot to buy her a gift for our anniversary. Joking. I did not forget to get her something, I just have not gotten her something.

Right now I am on the fence of getting her a camera for our anniversary. She says she will actually look forward to spending more time at races. Make it more of a hobby. I came across the Cannon XSI for 900 dollars. We are pretty tight on money but that camera looks freaking cool. Plus I could use it when she is not. So right now I am on the edge of spending that much money. She wants office furniture and a reading chair also. So decisions decisions.

I love you Amy and hope when I crash you take care of me like Daves wife is taking care of him after a gnarley crash.

WTFM 5-19-08

What a weekend I have to say. This fcking rain on race days has to go. But anyway I am sure some of you want to know how it went for me. Since I did two different races this weekend I have long stories to tell. Sorry to bore you with these tales but I like coming back the next year and see what I said.

Wilmington.

I left for Wilmington a little later than I wanted but with ample time to warm up. So I thought. I stayed up really late the night before getting everything ready so I can just throw everything I needed into the car. I got up, ate, shaved my legs and packed up. I made it up to Wilmington at 10:20 with time to spare for a 12:00 start

I got to registration and have to say poor planning on the part of the promoter on separating the names. There must have been 4 times the amount of people with the last name starting h-m then any other break down. I stood in line for 25 minutes to get my number. After I got my number I was told they have no pins for my numbers. What a joke.

I was a little pissed because now it was 11:00 and cutting into my warm up and time to get ready. As I stood there asking if anyone had extra pins saying they did not think this out an Elite woman says to me “stop your complaining.” There is no complaining anymore. I just said they had no pins. She responds let me guess you are a cat 4. I said yeah she says she can tell. I was so fucking pissed at this bitch for saying that. As I waited for another 10 minutes for pins this Elite woman gets to the head of line and gets told “oh we are only doing mens ¾ right now.” That brought a smile to my face. She goes you are kidding I have been waiting over 20 minutes and nobody told me this. I grab my pins which just arrived and I looked at her and told her no complaining. Man fucking karma must have been working.

I scoot to my car with 50 minutes to spare to the start. I get my clothes out. I packed last years shorts which is fine. Then I pulled out a jersey. Something is not right about that jersey because I do not own half zip jerseys. Turns out I packed my wife’s jersey which is an extra small. Holy shit I packed the wrong jersey. I go up and down the line asking coppi and lance lacy(abrt) if they have an extra jersey. My options were to race in my button up dockers shirt or my wifes extra small jersey. I decided to try the jersey on. I barely got the damn thing on. It was so tight on me. Lance then pinned me up. I had 40 minutes left. I got on the bike and did a warm up on the course that they just finished setting up. I did some strong hard efforts and cruised it the rest with a hard jump. So overall I had a quality warm up.

I go around the line one time and see nobody staging. I come around again and people are corralled like cattle in the running of the bulls on a side street. Shit they are lining up there. God dang it because this course requires you to be near the front to make a difference. So I get in there towards the back because not everyone got there. My biggest mistake of the day was doing that. As guys were coming in they were squeezing on the sides. Shit I am on the very back. Joe Jefferson calls some guys up to the line and I do not know why they got the call up. I wish he called me up. Then the rest of the field gets pulled to the line.

I start DFL in a 120 person field. Shit I was thinking and I am going to have to bust my balls to get up there. I personally started 15 feet back of the field so I can possibly move up on a side that did not get stalled. That did not work. The whistle goes and we are off. I start going hard as I can getting up the sides. It was strung out from the get go. The course was two long straight aways with two short sections. It was a boring crit except for the bottom turn but the location was great. I figured I could not work on the back side because of the headwind and tailgun it to make up time or to keep my momentum.

The whole time I raced was like that cartoon character who paddles on the edge of a waterfall. I would gain ground on about 10 guys a lap on the front side. I would look back and the guys I would blow by fell off. It was so tiring. I stuck in the pack for 8 laps and chased for 2. I probably fell out around 50-60 riders left in the field and another 10-20 guys fell out after me. I got pulled and unfortunately I saw the pack in front of me for most of the time. So I was not that out of shape I just got poor positioning. I was surprised I probably kept a great speed but not fast enough to go faster then the rest to get to the front.

When I got off the course it looked like a war zone of riders having looks of being disheveled and complete loss. You can tell some were pissed about their results of driving (one guy 4 hours from ny) to only last 1-15 minutes in a race. I knew what happened and did not give up until they pulled me. Oh well. I sat and watched lance and Bryan working the front of the field. I was really jealous I was not there. The guy who won the race was so strong compared to the rest it was unreal. Bryan Vaughan looked really good and calm for riding the front every lap. Lance was working well to and actually got in a chasing break that I thought was going to last. Unfortunately lance crashed and fractured some bones in his wrist.

Some coppi guy helped me remove my wifes jersey from this body etched in bronze. It was pretty embarrassing. For that day luck was not on my side or maybe I had bad karma.

Souther Maryland Crit.

After the previous days race I was seriously thinking of picking up the hot sport of Poker. I got down with 2 hours till the race. I made sure I had an hour warm up and got the details for the course from my team mate before the race about the slick spots.

I warmed up really good and got some hard jumps in on the trainer. The rain dissipated and luck might be on my side. When we got to the line it started to rain. You could tell everyone at the line was grumbling “ah man, what is my out.” This was a great course if it was dry. I saved myself more than once on the slick road. One turn both tires came out from under me and I worked some magic to stay up, got some style points there.

This time I lined up better then yesterday and the field was half the size of the day before. So I might be in better luck. At the gun my plan was to get to the front and hit it hard. Well everyone had the same idea as me. I did not want to be caught in a crash or gaps. But Steve Wahl had to take it to another level and broke away for the first half of the race. Wtf this guy could not stay out that long. He just hammered and the guys in the very front did not close the gap. I got to the front and thought why am I burning all my matches chasing and as long as he is within site it benefits me. I stayed in the top ten for most of the race. As soon as we caught Steve this kid from Dc velo attacks and got away. Perfectly timed and he gained a lot of ground. I thought route 1 was going to shut it down because they had a lot of guys in the race but I know we were all suffering.

During the race I kept looking back and we were constantly breaking away and getting caught by the guys in the back. We were losing guys left and right. I would see Todd (bike Doctor), Bryan Burns, or Jose Nunez on my wheel. And on one lap a guy went down in front of the rider of me causing them to crash and I got by but Terry Anderson was not very fortunate and had to jump his wheels. I heard terry behind me saying I just jumped his wheels. That was the last I heard of terry.

We continued to hit it hard and dwindled the pack down to 12 guys. I looked back and waged who was there and sat in smart. I worked the front when we sat up because I did not want anyone catching us but not too much. I was riding smart. On two to go I was in perfect position on fourth wheel for most of the time. The place I lost it was racing to the final corner being complacient not thinking guys will rush around us because the ground was still wet. I played it too safe. Mike Bradbury told me guys were overshooting the corner into the grass and mudd racing to the finish. I thought if I take it a little slower guys will do that and I will go around while they wallow in the mud like pigs. Well that happened and guys were able to still keep there speed up, damn it. I wish I would have it that corner harder because I finished with way to much in the tank. I was very surprised to see Bryan burns charge up the side of me because I did not see him earlier and thought he got popped off the back. And when I saw him do that I was like shit that was when I should have went. Steve won the group sprint and I came in 9^th overall.

I am happy with my result because it is now clear I am back in form and have a chance to place. I was calm and felt in control of the pack except for that kid that got away. Like I said I should have laid it out more because I finished feeling way to good. I did work in the race but should have laid it down when I felt recovered and everyone was hurting. Oh well, I will put it in the bank of mistakes of should ofs. Last year I worked the front way to much and trying to find that happy medium. I think the next month should be better. I felt way better Sunday because I finally shook this stomach bug I had since Tuesday. I felt like I had to use the bathroom like Harry from Dumb and dumber. Except I did not have to do it quite like Harry. It was this sour feeling in my lower intestine and has screwed with my sleep and eating. Thank god that is gone because that just irritated the crap out of me.

Pictures and vid will be up tomorrow I think.

Its Alive

Well if you have not checked out her blog yet you better while it is still up. http://bikingwidow.blogspot.com/ My wife is really enjoying what she is writing and I am sure yours will too. I might be sorry I suggested the widow to write the blog and pointing my wife to it, oh well its entertaining. I love the Bike entry that goes to show you that you are not alone when we guys go out to home depot and come home with a new bike. I know exactly what the husband is going through about buying that thing we need. In all actuality I think I would be piss ass broke if amy did not stop me from buying everything I needed at a killer price. Remember this is one persons point of view and I am sure we can assume what the husband is thinking(I got to stick up for the guy). I love the logic about not being able to afford furniture, because it is the same damn thing amy and I have talked about for the past few weeks moving into our new house. The new trainer I just got was after weeks of careful consideration that we talked about, I did need one because the one I owned was breaking internally(weird noise of magnet rotating). I owe amy office furniture, but we can not afford it right now and we can get by with out it. The winter time when races are not happening and I am not spending money on gas/travel. What races do I need to register for now?